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1922 
Copy 1 


International Copyrighted (in England, her Col¬ 
lies, and the United States) Edition of the 
Works of the Best Authors 


No. 423 


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A MAN AND HIS WIFE 

A Farce in One Act 
from the Japanese 

BY 

COLIN CAMPBELL CLEMENTS 


Copyright, 1922, by Samuel French 


Amateurs may produce this play without pr*'.xient 
of royalty. All other rights reserved. 


PRICE, 30 CENTS 



NEW YORK 
Samuel French 
■ Publisher 

28-30 West 38th Street 


LONDON 

Samuel French, Ltd. 
26 Southampton Street 
Strand 

































BILLETED. 

A comedy in 3 acts, by F. Tennison Jesse and H. Harwood. 4 
males, 5 females. One easy interior seer". A charming comedy, 
constructed with uncommon skill, and abounds with clever lines. 
Margaret Anglin’s br j success. Amateurs will find this comedy^ easy 
to produce and popular with all audiences. Price, 69 Cents. 


NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. 

A comedy in 3 acts. By James Montgomery. 5 males, 6 females. 
Costumes, modern. Two interior scenes. Plays 2)4 hours. 

Is it possible to tell the absolute truth—even for twenty-four hours? 
It is—at least Bob Bennett, the hero of “Nothing But the Truth,” 
accomplished the feat. The bet. he made with his business partners, 
and the trouble he got into—with his partners, his friends, and his 
fiancee—this is the subject of William Collier’s tremendous comedy- 
hit. “Nothing But the Truth” can be whole-heartedly recommended 
as one of the most sprightly, amusing and popular comedies that this 
countrv can boast. Price, 60 Cents, 


IN WALKED JIMMY. 

A comedy in 4 acts, by Minnie Z. Jaffa. 10 males, ? females (al¬ 
though any number of males and females may be used as clerks, 
etc.). Two interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Plays 2)4 hours. 
The thing into which Jimmy walked was a broken-down shoe factory, 
when the clerks had all been fired, and when the proprietor was in 
serious contemplation of suicide. 

• Jimmy, nothing else but plain Jimmy, would have been a mysterious 
figure had it not been for his matter-of-fact manner, his smile and 
his everlasting humanness. He put the shoe business on its feet, won 
the heart of the girl clerk, saved her erring brother from jail, escaped 
that place as a permanent boarding house himself, and foiled the 
villain. 

('lean, wholesome comedy with just a touch of human nature, just 
a dash of excitement and more than a little bit of true philosophy 
make “In Walked Jimmy” one cf the most delightful of plays. 
Jimmy is full of the religion of life, the religion of happiness and 
the religion of helpfulness, and he so permeates the atmosphere with 
his “religion” that everyone is haopy. The spirit of optimism, good 
cheer, and hearty laughter dominates the plav. There is not a dull 
moment in any of the four acts. We strongly recommend it. 

, Price, 60 Cents. 


MARTHA BY-THE-DAY. 

An optimistic comedy in three acts, by Julie M. Lippmann, author 
of the “Martha” stories. 5 males, 5 females. Three interior scenes. 
Costumes modern. Plays 2)4 hours. 

It is altogether a gentle thing, this play. It is full of quaint hu¬ 
mor, old-fashioned, homely sentiment, the kind that people who see 
the play will recall and chuckle over to-morrow and the next day. 

Miss Lippmann has herself adapted her very successful book for 
stage service, and in doing this has selected from her novel the most 
telling incidents, infectious comedy and homely sentiment for the 
play, and the result is thoroughly delightful. Price, 60 Cents. 


r' (The Above Arc Subject to Royalty When Produced) 



SAMUEL FRENCH, 2S-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free on Request 




A Man and His Wife 


A FARCE IN ONCE ACT 
FROM THE JAPANESE 

BY 

COLIN CAMPBELL CLEMENTS 


Copyrighted, 1922, by Samuel French 


Amateurs may produce this play without payment of 
royalty. All other rights reserved. 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 
Publisher 

28-30 West 38th Street 


London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 
26 Southampton Street 
Strand 



• L 6 4-7 M 3 
l ^ 



MfiY-4'22 

©CI.D 60714 


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A MAN AND HIS WIFE 


PERSONS 


Mitsune 
His Wife 

Tarankuwazhiya, his servant. 

(Mitsune enters through the audience, talking as he 
ivalks toward the stage.) 

Mitsune. I am a resident in the suburbs of the 
metropolis. On the occasion of a recent journey to 
the city I was served at a tea house by a girl called 
Hana. I became very much attached to her . . . 
oh, very much so. And now to-night I am to .meet 
her again. But my vixen of a wife has got scent of 
the affair, and thus made it difficult for me to go. 
Ah, I’ll call her and tell her some pretty fable that 
may set me free. 

(The curtain rises on the simple interior of a Japa¬ 
nese house. Mitsune mounts the stage and 
goes to a door at the hack.) 

Mitsune. Halloo! Halloo! Are you there 
. . . are you there? 

Wife. You are pleased to call me? What is it 
you want? . 

Mitsune. Well, please come in. 

Wife. Your commands are obeyed. 

3 


4 


A MAN AND HIS WIFE 


Mitsune. My reason for calling you is simply 
this: (He pauses a moment in thought, scratching 
the back of his head.) I want to tell you how much 
my spirits have been affected lately by continual 
dreams . . . that’s why I called you. 

Wife. You’re talking rubbish! Dreams come 
from stomach trouble . . . and do not come true. 
(With an ironical laugh.) Don’t bother your head 
about them. 

Mitsune. What you say is quite correct ... as 
usual. Dreams do not come true nine times out of 
ten. Still, mine have affected my spirits to such an 
extent that I think of making some pilgrimage or 
other to offer up prayers both for you and for my¬ 
self. 

Wife. Where will you go? 

Mitsuns. I mean to worship at every Shintau 
shrine and every Buddist temple throughout the 
land. 

Wife. No ... no! I won’t allow you to go out 
of the house for a single hour. 

Mitsune. But- 

Wife. If you are so completely bent upon it, 
choose some devotion that can be performed at 
home. 

Mitsune. Some devotion to be performed at’ 
home ? What devotion could it be ? 

Wife. Why . . . burning incense on your arm 
or—— 

Mitsune. How thoughtlessly you talk! Such a 
devotion would not suit me ... a layman if ever 
there was one. 

Wife. I won’t tolerate any devotion that cannot 
be performed at home. 

Mitsune. Well, I never . . . you are one for 
talking at random. Hang it. What devotion shall 
it be? (He reflects a few moments.) Ah! I have 




A MAN AND HIS WIFE 


5 

it! I will perform the devotion of abstraction. 

Wife. Abstraction? What is it? 

Mitsune. You do not know? ( Obviously mak ¬ 
ing up the tale as he talks.) It is . . . it is a devo¬ 
tion which was practised in the days; of old Saint 
Daruma. Blessings on him! You see you put your 
head under what is called the “abstraction blanket” 
and obtain salvation by forgetting all things past 
and to come ... a most difficult form of devotion. 

Wife. About how long does it take? 

Mitsune. Well ... I should say about a week 
... or two weeks. 

Wife. That’s too long. 

Mitsune. Then for how long would my own 
darling consent to it without complaining? 

Wife. About one hour is what I should suggest 
. . . but, if you can do it in a day, you are welcome 
to try. 

Mitsune. Please . . . won’t you grant me at 
least a day and a night ? 

Wife. A day and a night? 

Mitsune. Yes. 

Wife. I don’t like the idea, but if you are so com¬ 
pletely bent on it, take a day and a night for your 
devotion. 

Mitsune. Really and truly? 

Wife. Yes, really and truly. 

Mitsune. Oh! But I have something to tell 
you: if a woman so much as peep through a chink, 
to say nothing of her coming into the room where 
the devotee is sitting, the spell of the devotion is in¬ 
stantly broken. So be sure . . . very sure, not to 
come where I am. 

Wife. I will not come near you. So perform 
away. 

Mitsune. Then we shall meet again after I Wave 
accomplished my task. 


6 A MAN AND HIS WIFE 

Wife. Yes . . . yes. , 

Mitsune. Good-bye. 

Wife. You seem very anxious to hurry me off. 

Mitsune. (Pushing her toward the door) Oh, 
no . . . no, not at all . . . good-bye . . . good-bye. 

Wife. Good-bye. 

Mitsune. As I said before, mind you don’t come 
to me. We have the Buddist’s warning- words: 
“When there is a row in the kitchen, to be rapt in 
abstraction is an impossibility.” 

Wife. I don’t remember them. 

Mitsune. Oh, yes, yes ... So whatever hap¬ 
pens, don’t come near me. 

Wife. I shall not think of intruding. 

Mitsune. Well, then, we shall meet again when 
the devotion is over. 

Wife. Eh? Oh, yes . . . yes. 

Mitsune. Good-bye . . . good-bye. 

Wife. Funny, I’ve never seen you hurry be¬ 
fore . . . and so determined. Good-bye. ( She goes 
out.) 

Mitsune. ( Rubbing his hands together and 
chuckling to himself) What fools women are . . . 
some of them! She believed me! (He calls.) 
Tarankuwazhiya, are you there? 

Servant. Yes, sir. 

Mitsune. Come in here. 

Servant. At your service. 

. Mitsune. Oh, you’ve been quick in coming. 

Servant. My master seems to be in good spirits. 

Mitsune. For my good spirits there is a good 
reason. You see I have an engagement with my be¬ 
loved Hana this evening. But somehow my old 
woman got scent of the affair so I told her I was 
going to perform the religious devotion of abstrac¬ 
tion for a whole day and night. Clever, eh? For 
carrying out my plan of going to see Hana ? 


A MAN AND HIS WIFE 


7 


Servant. Yes . . . yes, sir. 

Mitsune. But you must do me a good turn. 

Servant. What may it be? 

Mitsune. Simply this: I told my old woman not 
to intrude on my devotions, but, being the old vixen 
she is, she may peep in. Oh, what a noise she would 
make if she ever learned the truth! So ... I want 
you to take my place until I return. 

Servant. But . . . 

Mitsune. But what? 

Servant. Well, you see . . .' 

Mitsune. What is it? 

Servant. I would rather you would excuse me. 

Mitsune. Nonsense! Am I not master in my own 
house . . . that is, when my wife is not present? 

Servant. But I would rather be excused. 

Mitsune. No, no! You must do this for me. 

Servant. Please . . . please let me off. 

Mitsune. You heed what my wife says, and 
won’t heed what I say myself! Stand up there! 
Do you mean that you have made up your mind to 
brave me? (Threatening to heat the servant.) 

Servant. Oh ! I will obey! 

Mitsune. Then you will take my place here? 

Servant. Yes . . . yes . . . yes . . . yes . . . 

Mitsune. Be quiet till I get things set right for 
you to sit in abstraction. Here, sit down. 

Servant. (Sitting on the floor) Your com¬ 
mands are laid to heart. 

Mitsune. (Laughing to himself) It’s going to 
be a little uncomfortable. (He throws the blanket 
over the Servant’s head.) This is the “abstraction 
blanket.” Now if my old woman should come into 
the room don’t . . . don’t remove the blanket. 

Servant. Not if I know what’s good for me 
. . . um . . . I’m not ready to die yet, master. 

Mitsune. Then be careful. (The head under 


8' A MAN AND HIS WIFE 

the blanket nods vigorously.) I will be back soon. 

Servant. Please be good enough to return 
quickly. 

Mitsune. Yes . . . yes. (He goes toward the 
window at the left.) Well, that’s over. No doubt 
Hana is waiting impatiently for me. ( He goes out. 
Mitsune’s wife appears at the back.) 

Wife. (Half aloud) Why, it’s much more un¬ 
comfortable than I had supposed. ( She comes for¬ 
ward.) Please . . . please . . . you told me not to 
come to you and I had intended not to do so but 
I felt anxious. Won’t you lift that blanket and 
take something? (There is no answer.) Just a 
little cup of tea? (The figure wider the blanket 
shakes its head.) The thought of my being so dis¬ 
obedient and coming to you after the care you took 
to tell me not to intrude may justly rouse your 
anger. Forgive me. (Pause.) Forgive my rude¬ 
ness. (The figure shakes his head.) You do for¬ 
give me! Then take that blanket off and repose 
yourself . . x. even for a minute. (The figure 
shakes its head again.) You may say “no” again 
and again, but I will have it off. You must take it 
off. Do you hear? (She pulls off the blanket.) 
What! You! You rascal! Where has my old man 
gone ? Speak! Speak ! 

Servant. I ... I know nothing. 

Wife. Speak! Where has he gone? To that 
woman’s house? Speak ... or I’ll . . . I’ll tear 
you to pieces. (She flies at him.) 

Servant. Yes . . . yes . . . master went to see 
Miss Hana. 

Wife. Miss Hana, do you say! Say Minx . . . 
say minx! 

Servant. Yes . . . yes . . . yes! 

Wife. How came you to be sitting here? 

Servant. It was my master’s orders. 


A MAN AND HIS WIFE 


9 


Wife. So! I’ll fix him. I want you to arrange 
this blanket on top of me just as it was arranged 
on you. 

Servant. I ... I would rather ask you to ex¬ 
cuse me. 

Wife. I will not. 

Servant. Please . . . please let me out of this. 

Wife. No, no! You must arrange the blanket. 
I promise you my husband shall not so much as 
point a finger at you. / am master in this house. 
Do you hear me? 

Servant. Yes . . . yes. 

Wife. Then obey me. 

Servant. (Picking up the blanket) I fear it will 
be uncomfortable, but I must ask you to put your 
head under this. 

Wife. Arrange me so that he will think it is still 
you. 

Servant. He will never know. It will do very 
nicely like this. 

Wife. Will it? 

Servant. (Covering her head, he makes a mo¬ 
tion as if to kick her) Yes . . . yes. 

Wife. ( Her head from tinder the blanket ) Well, 
then ... go and rest. ( Her head pops in again.) 

Servant. (Again about to kick her) Your com¬ 
mands are laid to heart. 

Wife. (Again her head appears) Wait a mo¬ 
ment. 

Servant. Yes, ma’am. 

Wife. It is scarcely necessary to say that you 
are not to tell my husband I am here. 

Servant. I should not think of it. (He moves 
away.) 

Wife. I understand you have been wishing for 
a purse and silk kimona. I will give you one of 
each which I have worked with my own hands. 


10 


A MAN AND HIS WIFE 


Servant. I shall be grateful for your kindness. 
Wife. Now be off to bed . . . put out the light. 
Servant. Yes, ma’am. 

(^Tarankauwazhiya puts out the small stand lan¬ 
tern and softly closes the door at the hack 
after him. After a pause—punctuated by loud 
snores from under the blanket — Mitsune is 
heard singing:) 

Why should the lonely sleeper heed 
The midnight bell, the bird at dawn? 

But oh! They’re sorrowful indeed 
When loosened was the damask zone. 

Her image still, with locks that sleep 
Had tangled, haunts me, and for aye; 

Like willow sprays where soft winds 
sweep 

All tangled, too, my feelings lie. 

(He appears at the window. In a loud whisper, 
walking back and forth and rubbing his hands 
together joyously.) 

Mitsune. Halloo! Halloo! Tarankauwazhiya! 
I’m back! I’m back! I’m just back. (The figure 
under the blanket starts up suddenly. Mitsune en¬ 
ters the room.) Poor fellow! the time must have 
seemed long to you. I’ll tell you what Hana said 
to me last night if you care to listen ... do you? 
(The figure nods acquiescence. Mitsune sits.) 
Well, then, I’ll tell you all about it. I made all the 
haste I could. As I hurried along I thought of 
how anxiously Hana must be waiting for me in her 
loneliness, saying to herself, perhaps, with the Chi¬ 
nese poet: 


A MAN AND HIS WIFE 


n 


“He promised, but he comes not, and I lie on my 
pillow in the fifth watch of the night: 

The wind shakes the pine trees and bamboos; can 
it be my beloved ?” 

Then as I was about to ask admittance I heard 
the dear girl softly singing: 

“The breezes through the pine trees moan, 

The dying torch burns low; 

Ah me, ’tis eerie all alone! 

Say, will he come or no ?” 

I gently rapped on the door. Hana called, “Who’s 
there? Who’s there?’’ A shower was falling so I 
answered, singing: 

“Who comes to see you, Hana dear, 

Regardless of the falling rain? 

And do your words, ‘Who’s there, who’s there ?’ 
Mean that you wait for lovers twain?’’ 

To which she replied laughingly: 

“What a fine joke! Well, who can tell 
On such a dark and rainy night 

Who ventures out must love me well, 

And I, of course, must be polite, 

And say: Pray, sir, pass this way!’’ 

And with these words, she loosed the ring and 
staple with a cling-a-ling, and pushed open the door 
with a crick-tick; and while the breeze from the 
bamboo blind poured toward me laden with the scent 
of flowers, Hana, clasping light my hand, drew me 
in. Ah, you can guess the rest, my boy. 


12 A MAN AND HIS WIFE 

(With a deep sigh and a shake of his head Mit- 

sune rises.) 


Too soon the time of parting came. Hana whis¬ 
pered softly in my ear: 

“Methought that when I met thee, dearest heart! 
I’d tell thee all that swells within my breast ; 

But now already ’tis the hour to part 

And oh! how much still lingers unexpressed.” 

But for all her entreaties, and for all my own re¬ 
grets, I remembered that “meeting is but parting” 
and 

Tearing me loose, I made to go; farewell! 
Farewell a thousand times, like ocean sands 
Untold! And followed by her distant gaze 
I went; but as I turned me round, the moon, 

A slender rim, sparkling remained behind, 

And oh, what pain it was for me to part! 

So here I am back to my old vixen of a wife. 

Wife. You wretch! You wretch! 

(The blanket is thrown off and Mitsune’s wife 
rushes after him, around the room and out the 
door calling as the curtain falls.) 


END 


DOROTHY’S NEIGHBORS. 

A brand new comedy in four acts, by Marie Doran, author of “The 
New Co-Ed,” “Tempest and Sunshine,” and many other successful 
plays. 4 males, 7 females. The scenes are extremely easy to 
arrange; two plain interiors and one exterior, a garden, or, if neces¬ 
sary, the two interiors will answer. Costumes modern. Plays 2J4 
hours. 

The story is about vocational training, a subject now widely dis¬ 
cussed; also, the distribution of large wealth. 

Back of the comedy situation and snappy dialogue there is good 
logic and a sound moral in this pretty play, which is worthy the 
attention of the experienced amateur. It is a clean, wholesome play, 
particularly suited to high school production, Price, 30 Cents, 


MISS SOMEBODY ELSE. 

A modern play in four acts by Marion Short, author of “The 
Touchdown,” etc. 6 males, 10 females. Two interior scenes. Cos¬ 
tumes modern. Plays 2^4 hours. 

This delightful comedy has gripping dramatic moments, unusual 
character types, a striking and original plot and is essentially modern 
in theme and treatment. The stcry concerns the advetures of Con¬ 
stance Darcy, a multi-millionaire’s, young daughter. Constance em¬ 
barks on a trip to find a young man who had been in her father’s 
emplo'- and l.ad stolen a large sum of money. She almost succeeds, 
when suddenly all traces of the young man are lost. At this point 
she meets seme old friends who are living in almost want and, in 
order to assist them through motives benevolent, she determines to 
sink her own aristocratic personality in that of a refined but humble 
little Irish waitress with the family that are in want. She not only 
carries her scheme to success in assisting the family, but finds 
romance and much tense and lively adventure during the period of 
her incognito, aside from capturing the young man who had defrauded 
her father. The story is full of bright comedy lines and dramatic 
situations and is highly recommended for amateur production. This 
is one of the best comedies we have ever ’offered with a large num¬ 
ber of female characters. The dialogue is bright and the play is full 
of action from start to finish; not a dull moment in it. This is a 
great comedy for high schools and colleges, and the wholesome story 
will please the parents and teachers. We strongly recommend it. 

Price, 30 Cents, 


PURPLE AND FINE LINEN. 

An exceptionally pretty comedy of Puritan New England, in three 
acts, by Amita B. Fairgrieve and Helena Miller. 9 male, 5 female 
characters. 

This is the Lend A Hand Smith College prize play. It is an ad¬ 
mirable play for amateurs, is rich in character portrayal of varied 
types and is not too difficult while thoroughly pleasing. 

Price, 30 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 


SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free on Request 




n \f 


fi 


LIBRARY of congress 


THE REJUVENATION 


The famous comedy in three acts, b 
females. Three interior scenes. Costun 
This is a genuinely funny comedy \\ 

Mary,” “Jack,” her lively nephew; “L 
eient maid of all work; “Jack’s” three cnums; tne (Jirl “jack” loves; 
“Joshua,” Aunt Mary’s h ; red man, etc. 


0 015 906 375 6 


“Aunt. Mary” was played by May “Robson in New York and on tour 
for over two years, and it is sure to be a big success wherever pro¬ 
duced. We strongly recommend it. Price, 60 Cents. 


’ for.; 

■ 

' f V . ' 


• t 


MRS. BUMSTEAD-LEIGH. 

‘ • •; . / ^ ^ '/ 7 \ V.. . • V. t _ ' 1, -y/- S 

A pleasing comedy, in three acts, by Harry James Smith, author of 
“The Tailor-Made Man.” 6 males, 6 females. One interior scene. . 

Costumes modern.. Plays 2J4 hours. 

Mr. Smith chose for his initial comedy the complications arising 
from the endeavors of a social climber to land he self in the altitude 
peopled by hyphenated names—►a i-ncine permitting innumerable com¬ 
plications, according to the spirit of the writer. S , , 

This most successful comedy was toured for several seasons by Mrs. 

Fiske with enormous success. Price, 60 Cents. 

‘ 


MRS. TEMPLE’S TELEGRAM. 

• ’■ / ,. V / • V . » -»<' ' %; S.V 

A most' successful farce in three acts, by Frank Wyatt and Wil¬ 
liam Morris. 5 males, 4 females. One interior scene stands through¬ 
out the three acts. Costumes modern. Plays 2j/> hours. 

“Mrs, Temple’s Telegram” is a sprightly farce in which there is 
an abundance of fun without any taint of impropriety or any ele¬ 
ment of oTetice. As noticed by Sir Walter Scott, “Oh, what a 
tangled w r eb we weave when first we practice to deceive.” 

There is not, a dull moment in the entire farce, and from the time 
the curtain ri^es until it makes the linal drop the fun is fast and 
furious. A very exceptional farce. Price, 60 Cents. 


THE NEW CO-ED. 

A cortiedy.in four acts, by, Marie Doran, author of “Tempest and 
Sunshine,” ^tc. Characters, 4 males, 7 females, though any number 
ofy hoys and girls can be introduced in the action of the play- One 
interior and one exterior scene, but can be easily played in one inte¬ 
rior scene. Costumes modern. Time, about 2 hour... 

The theme of this play is the coming of a lew student to the col¬ 
lege, her reception by the scholars, her triaL and final triumph. 

There are three especially good girls’ parts, ..e^ty, Madge and 
Estelle, but the others have plenty to dc. “Punch” Doolittle and 
George Washington Watts, a gentleman of color, are two particularly 
good comedy characters. We can strongly recommend “The New 
Co-Ed” to high schools and amateurs. Price, 30 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 


SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free on Request 






















